


62 Things I Wish You Wouldn't Do

by electric_ninja



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Gen, M for Tony's ideas and mouth, Marvel Universe, Multi, Random but slightly connected one shots, Slightly divergent canon, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, no seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-13
Updated: 2014-06-19
Packaged: 2018-02-04 13:02:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1780072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/electric_ninja/pseuds/electric_ninja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was a list, 62 Things The Avengers Never Are Allowed To Do. The list was a record of a group of remarkable people to see if they could become something more...besides the messes that they created.</p><p> </p><p>tl:dr Hijinks ensue. A lot. With the Avengers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Food of the Gods

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [62 Things The Avengers Are Not Allowed To DO](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/54916) by ramdonomo. 



> Most of this is fluff and crack, with occasional sad bits. There are going to be spoilers, considering I am working with the whole of the MCU. There is some canon divergence, however. Do not be fooled! A few of these topics are adult in nature (you can blame Tony for that) as we go down further the list, so I decided to rate as M just to be safe.

Thor may have dinned on ambrosia and mead, but he had never tasted anything quite like this. It delighted him, this Midgardian confection.  It was worth only trinkets to his friends, but to him, it was the food of the gods.

Clint was the only one who shared his obsession with the colorful treats. Every morning, they would rise and enjoy them together, mischievously smiling as the cafeteria looked at them in horror, wondering which would come first, a sugar rush disaster  that would end in pop-tarts being banned for all those aboard the Helicarrier  or whether they would run out of plates. Considering he had a habit of inadvertently smashing the plates, due to his fingers coated with the combination of sugar icing and cold milk while shouting for more, the latter seemed more likely.

 It baffled him. How could his friends not know the treasure that lay in their midst? Forget the Tesseract. THIS, THIS was the object that could truly bring peace to the nine realms. Had Loki found this instead, the world would have knelt.

He should have known better to express such thoughts to his teammates.

The next morning, the cupboards were lined with nothing but them. He searched in vain for some milk. There was none to be found. Only tarts.

The only liquid to salivate his thirst was the water found within the mystical fountains of silver. This was madness. It was milk or nothing. Nothing but milk could enhance the taste of the tarts. He would find whomever was responsible and then …something caught his eye….

On one of the fountains , there was a unevenly folded yellow square attached to the spout.

Picking it up, he squinted, trying to decipher the message.  The handwriting was prim, yet elegant and the paper smelled  like fruit.

It read

 

> _“Go nuts, big guy”_


	2. The Final Step

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It takes a certain kind of person to be in HR. Clint and Natasha are not that kind of person. Nick feels he needs to remind them of this, for obvious reasons, which may or may not include doughnuts.
> 
> Mild cussing on the part of Nick.

“WHAT _did_ I SAY about you two working in HR?”

Nick Fury didn’t have time for this shit. He didn’t want to even deal with it. Normally Coulson was the one who would take charge of these kinds of incidents…

Natasha looked down, trying to tactfully figure her way out of this mess without coming across as a child. People were still giving her side looks in the elevator after Budapest. She did not want another black mark on her record, especially one for a trivial matter such as this.

“Privately or publicly, Director?”

“Both.”

“Publicly, you denounced the idea until we had further training. Privately, you encouraged us to weed out the inferior agents.”

“When I said weed out, Agent Romanov, I meant that you were to observe them in order to pick up on any future trouble spots and compile a report. I did NOT authorize you and Agent Barton to put our agents , _especially high-ranking ones,_ into a medicinal coma by drugging the office supply of doughnuts , torture them in a supply closet using various implements, and then ‘release them into the wild’ if they did not suit you or SHIELD. "

Barton , ever the smartass, had nothing to say for once.

“Now, I realize that you two made a decision for the benefit for our entire organization, but given that you went about rather stupidly about it…”

“With all due respect, Director Fury…we were the only ones who could have done it. We know what these agents will go through, because of our combined experience out on the field. Even though Agent Sitwell has proven himself time and time again, we chose the agents at random to deflect accusations of impartiality. “

Nick inwardly facepalmed himself for giving Barton an opening. There were times when the man struck him as a lawyer, and he never should have played to that.

Clint looked at Natasha, waiting for her comment on the matter, but she was sharpening her nails with a knife, quietly disappearing off Nick’s radar.

_Guess I’m going at this alone._

“Who would you have do it instead, Maria?”

_aww mouth why'd you have to say what I was thinking...._

“At least Maria would listen and respect me, in front of, and behind my back! Now, I’m going to allow this to pass…simply because of the amount of paperwork…but if I catch wind of agents mysteriously disappearing into a supply closet, I will take away your fancy arrows and replace them with…regular arrows. I will make those maniacs terrorizing your apartment look like rent-a-thugs.  Do I make myself clear?”

Clint nodded, frightened. When Nick was...well...furious, he was at his most creative. You did not want to be his latest "disaster-piece".

“Good. Now get out of my office before it turns into your nest.”

 


End file.
